unholyman

Updates

2007-10-14T17:44:00.001+08:00

haha guys i am back, hmmm... lemme see i got ani changes or not.

I got my driving license recently, passed it on the 1st try hehe. But u noe wat? My driving still sucks, so u want to sit in my car, better buy insurance haha. i got promoted 2 mths ago, nuting special, juz another stripe on my shoulder thats all. Its a long time ago i went church, trying to find time for it. My life is now like a pond, nuting much changes. Except that i can drive legally. so basically i am still the same lar. haha. So msg mi or call mi when u guys r free.... haha thats all.

NS Life

2007-05-20T16:16:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, its been quite a while i last blogged. Hm~~~ had a bad week man~~ Kena f**ked by officers for no apparent reason, had to cum back to work on a saturday..... Hai~~ bo bian we are NSFs, we are meant to be f**ked at. Last week, i got f**ked by my uncle, apparently he had a bad mood and took it out on me. He was pissed off because i did not book the driving lessons properly but hey man, u think the driving school i open one meh? There was no more slots already, what do u expect me to do? I had to make do with the ones available lar.
At my workplace, there is one hong kong guy who is damn ''geng", he claimed that he dun know english, so he cannot answer the phone. Well, he will just stick to his job, and he will shirk all of his responsiblities, well its wasn't so bad if we had enough people, the problem is that one guy is clearing his leave for his O.R.D. So we are one man short, imagine 3 persons doing 5 persons job. Sometimes we will cock up and get f**ked, he will just pretend he is not one of us. Ask him to do something he will act cute and say he dunnoe. Hai~~~~~ Must be because i have not been going to church, thats y i am damn suay. I tell u man, he is gonna be beaten up by me one day man. When i cannot take it animore and after work i gonna change into civilian clothes and beat the shit out of him. What pisses me off even more is that the officers shield him, so he can take advantage of it. The good thing is my dept is outsourcing soon, i gonna be redeployed elsewhere. Which mean i dunnid to see him animore haha.

These few months i have not been going out often, somehow i feel like my friends are drifting away from me, especially church friends and some friends which have moved on to JC or poly. Maybe its because i cannot go out on weekdays anymore tats y. But maybe 1 day i can go out wif all of them again, but i oso dunnoe when will be tat day haha. Somehow i feel like i am leading a totally different life from them. Hai~~ i miss the times that i am in school, the carefree attitude and the freedom to do a lot of things, now i cannot do it anymore so ya,life changes.

Ok lar, signing off for now.

Life Changes

2007-03-31T18:52:00.000+08:00

NS changes people, of cos i am changed too. In the past i could go out during wk days, skip sch and get the maximum high of life with minimum responsibilities. Now i have to be much more responsible and cannot be like a typical teenager like last time. Maybe this is the transition to adulthood haha.

Life have become a routine affair. From mondays to fridays, I wake up at abt 7 am, brush my teeth, bathe and put on my uniform. By 7.30 leave my house and walk to my workplace. Abt 7.50 i reach and i tap in my attendance at the guard house. After that we fall in for roll call. The duty officer for the day will inspect our uniforms and our hair. After checking, we will dismiss and go to our respective places of work. At abt 10 or 10.30 i will go my for tea-break, i will have my brunch haha. At 12.30 is our lunch time, normally i dun go eat, i go and have a nap and 2 pm i will wake up and continue working. 3.30 will be our afternoon tea break, i normally dun go 1 lar. Den 5 o'clock i will wrap up whatever work i have and start to pack up. 5.30pm to 6pm is our tapping out time. After that, at 6 o'clock we will attend dismissal parade and Kua Baris!!! We go home.

Everyday is the same man, Hai~~~ i miss my studying days, i say good times dun last. But of course wkend is different liao lar. Its HAVOC time!!! hahahaha.

Happy CNY

2007-02-21T17:58:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, its been a long time since i blogged, haha happy Chinese New Year ahaha. I hope that this year will be a better year! Yeah! Kinda hard to put it in words of wat is happening around me hai~~

No longer a firefighter

2006-09-30T16:50:00.000+08:00

hello guys, from today onwards i am no longer a firefighter. i injured my back during one of the exercises, while fighting a fire. Sad though, 3 mths of hell came to nothing...

JUz survived 2 wks of hell..

2006-07-29T19:43:00.000+08:00

hello guys, juz finished my 2 wks of training, there will be 10 more wks to go hai~~~ Can't wait to pass out as a firefighter!!!

The training is tough, real tough, there are times when i want to faint and drop out of course but i have to endure. Imagine wearing a jacket and trousers thicker than winter clothing and run under the hot sun. My sir says after all this training, u will be a real man haha i hope so.

Whew~~ being a firefighter is realli not easy at all, endure endure endure!!

3 months of hell awaits me

2006-07-16T19:22:00.000+08:00

hello guys, tomoro will be the a new beginning for me. i will embark on a ardous journey and undergo one of the toughest training in Civil Defence. I will be going through the Firefighter's course. The course will last for 3 mths affectionately known as '' 3 mths of hell''~~ After 3 mths i will be a full-fledged firefighter, so guys thank you for all your support and God bless Ya bye bye~~~

Currently in NS

2006-07-09T01:46:00.000+08:00

Sorry guys!!! i am quite bz to blog. Now no time~~~~ Will blog more when i became a private hahahaah!!! Bear with it guys!!

Currently Overseas

2006-05-27T04:03:00.000+08:00

hi guys, i am in J.B now.... hahaha At my aunt's place. Then tomorrow i will be heading to Ipoh, which is also malaysia to visit my grandparents. Will be back on wed or thurs, sorry angel!!!! hehe, have a nice time wif jane , huimin and yunting ok? haha. U guys can't contact me cos my hp don't have autoroam haha. It will be my last relative visiting trip before i enlist for NS. 17 days more to go...... i am gonna pig out and gain weight lol.

Read joanna's blog today, glad to know she is doing fine in perth. Have not went to church for ages, kinda slacking it off. Going to watch the Da vinci code, but damn i forgot and nobody jio me, sad** sob** hahaha....

ok signing off for now...

lalala~~

2006-03-22T14:49:00.000+08:00

Last sat i went out with a motley crew of guys and girls(mostly the girls lar haha). We watched Dorm together, i don't normally watch horror movies i do not get scared easily. Huimin screamed her head off, whew luckily i was not beside her haha, or else i would have to hide my face. I bumped into jessie and tracy, was kinda paiseh cos i was supposed to have lunch with my cell haha.

humin kinda looked taller and more feminine, probably due to puberty, but she will never grow as tall as me hahaha. Auntie Angel was not there, she was sick. Probably its a blessing cos imagine in the cinema there are 2 gers screaming their heads away hehe, whew, my face will be thrown away haha. At the piano shop, huimin and jane was playing away at the keyboard, how i wish i could play like them if not play better than them. I want to play like Jay Chou hahaha. Jialin's better half, raymond came after that, was kinda feeling sorry for him hai~~~ I would never be like him, waiting and waiting for jialin's yes. I am a damn impatient man, if a girl do that to me, i would juz find another one haha.

After the movie, jialin and huimin went to have their hair cut, i was persuading yunting to cut his hair oso, his hair is like a mop, can put him upside down and mop the floor hahaha. Daryl was real quiet again, acting cool hehe. Daryl, if u dun open your mouth, you can never win's a girl's heart, unless u look like me hahaha juz kidding. ok lar sign off for now, kinda bz these days, got another exam tml ok bye~~

http://kevan.org/johari?view=Tommy_Lim

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

i gonna be brave enuff to take critism oso

2006-03-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Tommy_Lim

hihihi

2006-03-17T21:14:00.000+08:00

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Tommy_Lim

Hey u guys if you can, do this for me thank you.....

Recently, i watch a movie called "munich", its a thought-provoking and a exciting film to watch. Steven Spielberg's movies are still the best haha. Can i sacrifice my sanity for my country and for my people? i don't think i can. Must vengance be delivered at whatever cost neccessary? sometimes in life there is no good or bad, sometimes its in the grey area, which the lines between black and white blurs. hai~~ don't talk about depressing stuff anymore. going off liao bye bye

Transitions in life

2006-02-19T18:06:00.000+08:00

I went for my pre-NS medical checkup a few days ago, did some stupid n idiotic tests and bloody hell i got a PES B damn...... I was hoping for a PES C hehe so that i dunnid to chiong sua hai~~. But i am not overweight hahahaha!!!!! I am not in the overweight category haha maybe because i did not eat anything before the checkup :p So nobody can laugh at me being FAT!!! I am acceptable weight endorsed by the Singapore Government hmpt!!!!! So all of you guys out there, don't be a pot calling the kettle black har!!!!!

Time flies, joanna flying to aussie soon, and now weiling is now in Pre-U looking more feminine now hehe, xuehai is in 2nd yr of poly, alvin going NS soon, qingying n hannah is in uni, rhoda is doing her Ns i tink, and me..... i am going to graduate soon in ITE. Hard to believe though, its seems like yesterday that we are still a bunch of giggly teens gossiping about BGR, who likes who, who dislike who blah blah blah, alright its them who gossip not MI!! hehe(distances myself away)

Come to think of it, i have not really achieved anything yet, except for the mountain climb last year, i was so pysched up last year i thought i could conquer anything, but this year i felt anything could conquer me hai~~. Last year was exceptionally eventful, but of cos now it have faded in nothing but memories.

V-day was pathetic, my specs was twisted due to a freak accident, i looked funny so i only went to the check-up, Bro Edmund msged me to have coffee later, after the checkup, i went to have coffee with him, gave him a few pointers about tackling girls hehe. Well he looked like he needed some anyway, I must be the God's gift to women hahaha(juz kidding lar)

Alright signing off for now.

CNY blues

2006-02-01T18:49:00.000+08:00

Time flies real fast man~~~ I am turning 21 this year *horrified gasp*, soon i will entering a new phase of life called adulthood. Sort of changed cells this year, from crossover generation to Wired up which is affilated to crossover lar. i oso quite confused oso whether to talk to bro bernard or talk to my new leader bro Edmund hai~~ But its still quite the same lar. Bro Edmund is a typical nice man, hopefully he does not get bullied by me hahaahahã~~

On the 1st day of new year is the day i dread the most, which is going to my uncle's place in Bukit Merah. The moment i stepped in the house, my aunt will start firing away questions like ''did you go to sch!!'', ''your mum is working so hard! yet u still so not mature!!''. Ya right my mum sometimes comes back home to cut hair for people, from afternoon to the evenings, if u called that working so hard!!! I felt frustration was boiling inside and i am about to explode, luckily my uncle intervened and said new year don't say this kind of stuff. Or else i would throw her back the angpow and shout "'i dunnid your bloody angpow!!!'' I felt like the black sheep of the family.

On the 3rd day, i went to Bro Edmund's place for the 1st time and wow!! It is damn nice!! Looks can be deceiving haha. Nxt time i gonna have a place 2 times as big , decor the same and have a BMW parked downstairs hahaha. I gonna silence my aunt nxt time hah!! Walk with a swagger, BMW car key on 1 hand, leather suitcase on the other, wear a crisp suit haha!!!

Hopefully this year, less ''happening'' and more blessings hahaha

Xmas 05

2005-12-31T00:38:00.000+08:00

Finally gift of heaven is over!!!!! we had a hell of a time man!!! I think for once it was one of the most memorable xmas i ever had. We performed, we acted and we ate hahaha. But then thoughout my life i am quite phobic when we are required to mingle with strangers when we are eating. My goodness!! i personally hate that. Den when brother ken played the 'joseph says' game , i tink i was pretty wild n high already haha.i was thinking of taking my shirt off!!! hahahaha but i wore a t shirt and a shirt lar hahaha. Due to the gift of heaven i had to put on makeup for the 1st time of my life. EEeeee!!! the girls say i am pretty wa kao!! I look liked a drag queen hai~~~

i think we acted ok, bro larry did a great job, as for the dancers i can't see cos i am in backstage so no comment, choir was great though. The dancers looked like angels came from heaven, to tell u honestly i was quite shocked after they did the makeup, the hair and the costumes. They looked so angelic my goodness!!!
we did a great job though.

After the performance, the dance and the dinner. we went to lisye's house with my cell and played zong ji mi ma and the forfeit is truth or dare haha. i am glad i didn't kena haha. hannah is wild and asked many funny questions haha. And eugene got the most forfeits and he danced like a duck haha.

hope that 2006 brings me joy and hopefully i can get attached :p hahahaha!!! any takers? hehe

Life is Cruel

2005-11-14T17:11:00.000+08:00

Right now i am in a very very sad mood. Last tuesday, i told a girl who i liked very much that i liked her and you know the "can u be my stead?" question. She smiled and said she will tell me at night so i waited and waited. Then 4 hrs later she run away from home wtf!!!! That answer neber came.

I remember in the morning i went up to her house to talk, i sensed that something was amiss already. I persuaded her not to mix with her current crop of friends and her so-called ''god father'' which i personally knew all of them. i know these bunch of guys will lead her to destruction which inevitably happened. She ran away from home and heavens knew she have gone where. I asked everyone, her crop of friends and her godfather. They all said no. i sensed that her godfather is lying but i did not kick up a big fuss. but then wat to do?

Her mother called me on that day, to tell u honestly i hoped it wasn't true, when i went up to her house and see, her empty room greeted me. Her parents say she took her bag, clothes and some stuff and go out liao. At that time her parents was not around.

I exhausted all my contacts and my mind, trying to find her. Did not sleep properly, frantically finding people to ask hoping for a answer. Last fri, i got hit with fever, flu and "lao sai'', which i realised i was turning into a wreck. On sat and sun, when i went church for ''gift of heaven'' rehearsal, bro larry asked me to smile and act as if i was very happy, to tell u honestly i managed it quite well but after that i felt miserable, can't blame bro larry cos he does not know.

Her parents have called the police and till now no news. I feel sorry for her parents though, after work they will go around singapore to search for their daughter. Toa payoh, orchard, bugis, wah lau eh, i dun tink their bodies can withstand any longer. Jacqueline, if u are reading this, please go back to your parents, i dun care that u accept or reject me but please go home....

i thought these kind of scenarios would only happen on tv shows, but i can't believe that life have given me another big blow when i have just recovered from one. I have picked up the courage to love again but then love have just slipped through my fingers and gone into the wilderness. Probably this is the sign that i shouldn't love anymore. Right now i am hoping for a divine intervention that she will be spot checked by the police or watever lar. Sometimes, i feel that i got played out by God, is it that i don't pray? don't pay tithes? don't put offerings? don't read bible? But out there there are so many people who do that but why is it that i am the only 1 that is subjected to such a cruel blow!! Everytime it juz get worse and worse. Or is it just a script that u have written for me just for ur entertainment purposes?!!

Sorry for the harsh remarks but i am feeling real pissed now

Maybe~~

2005-09-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

Recently i got hooked on a jap tv show, its called "Pride" and it stars takuya kimura and a pretty jap girl. Its damn nice and the show's plot is great. I wanna learn ice-hockey!!! Maybe~~ haha

Recently life have been monotonous, sch,sleep,shit and eat. It seems ages that i went on a date, kinda got once bitten twice shy, this stupid theory. Attendances in church is going down and down, but on the contrary my attendance in sch is picking up. One more mth to exams liao. I kinda miss the times when i can sit down with my cell and talk cock and talk about everything under the sun. Everyone seems so busy these days, even i was not spared either. I miss the times when we go out and i monkey ard them.

A few days ago, i went to take a look at the new Mt Kinabalu expedition team, 6 girls and 3 guys. Most of them can't run 2.4 under 12 mins. My goodness, how are they going to climb? But looking back at myself last year, i wasn't tat fantastic either, MAYBE~~

Few weeks ago, i got in contact with my ex-cell member from city-harvest. She was the one who introduced me to this thing called church and a man named jesus. She gave me her blog add and i went to see her photos. 3-4 years ago she migrated to USA and settled down there. She should be 18? 17? shit i forgot. She have not changed much from what i see. But i changed quite a lot hehe.

Last quarter of the year

2005-09-04T16:08:00.000+08:00

We have now reached the last quarter of the year, time flies man. 1-2 wks ago i have juz celebrated my 20th bday with angel,jane,yunting,jono,daryl and one more i forgot who. Pity huimin wasn't there though hehe. we sang at kbox and believe hearing jane and angel sing was a hair-raising experience. But we had such a great time and i shall neber forget tat day.

Finally went to church today after being MIA for some weeks, kinda relieved to go there. Having been on cruising mode man, i feel like a zombie sometimes. Nothing better to do except go sch and stuff like that.

Sorri abt the short entry, will write something longer nxt time.

Updates

2005-07-17T04:28:00.000+08:00

Its quite some time that i really wrote something in my blog, i tink today would be the perfect time to really write something and not some short and gibberish shit.

After the June holidays, it is sch time. Trying hard to strive but somehow sometimes i faltered. Pon tank classes and stuff like that. School have always been monotonous and slow moving. My uncle have been bugging and nagging at me. He always say at my age he is already working and shit like that u noe? Sometimes i tink if i was a poly or uni student, he would not always pressure me like that. Adults can be so materialistic, wa lau ITE students dogs is it!! Sometimes i think if the adults demand a bit less and care a bit more, my life would be different. Lucky he did not say i am useless or shit like that or else i really became useless for him to see!!! KNN!!! U want money izzit!! i go became bookie or loan shark lor, dun think i cannot do it, is i dun want onli i tell U NBCB!!! sorry for harsh tone and language, its because the pressure is really high sometimes.

Tell u guys something really interesting, u noe my ex gf's father? He is now my godpa, sounds unbelievable rite? He does not noe abt that i stead with his daughter b4. That time we were steading he was in jail at that time. When we broke up abt that time, roughly that time he got released. He often cum to my friend(which is his nephew) place. We both talked and hit it off. If u read the newpapers often u should know abt a guy who had a gun in his place. That was him. He was damn lucky to escape the gallows, got a year imprisonment instead. He was a regular at Changi Prison anyway, my ex hates him. Hai~~ would not comment abt his family problems, its not for me to know. He now wants to form a gang at aljunied together with his 30 over punks at Bukit Batok. He roped me in, but i refused him flat. I dun want to get involved in this kind of thing.

Things have roughly slowed down abit as compared to last mth. Things have returned to normal and i believe time will be my healer. I looked around my house to look for my photographs, it turned out that actually i hardly took photographs of myself. The previous times was the Mt Kinabalu expedition and the neo print with Angel and Jane. I can't believe that i had so few memories of myself. Probably next time should really take more, and after tat neo print with Angel and Jane, i thought Hey!!! i dun look too bad after all hehe... Especially with pretty girls haha.

ok lar sign off for now...

2005-07-16T01:31:00.000+08:00

A few wks back, angel and Jane asked me out. They wanted me to go the Cat High fair with them, in the end i overslept and had to meet them in orchard with them hehe. We went to plaza sing wanting to catch a movie in the end ticks were sold out. We had to play in the arcade and angel tried the DDR machine. She could not catch the beats and ended up the machine calling her a Monkey. After that we went to take Neo prints. I did not expect myself to look good on camera hehe. Nxt time can take more haha.

To tell u honestly, its quite some time tat i had fun like tat. I could not remember the last time i had fun in singapore. Angel and Jane are just 15 yrs old and i gonna admit their child likeness have rubbed off in me. Even i was infected with their plain silly antics haha. Nxt time if got chalet i tink we play more siao haha.

From Try to Strive

2005-06-17T01:42:00.000+08:00

I returned recently from kuantan, and man i gained lots of weight. Eating buffets three times a day, whoa i am getting fatter and fatter. Gained some insights from life itself. I have decided to be from a tryer to a striver haha. Thanks to pastor though. Strive in school and strive in life Yeah!!

Played the banana boat with the girls and its deafening. Imagine 4 girls screaming? It was fun though. Pastor asked us wat is the why's and the negative beliefs in our lives. Honestly i had a lot. But then it was time to change though. From Try to Strive.

I found a new job, i now work at the PS carrefour bakery haha. From 5pm to closing time. I work until this sunday though. I now look like a bloody baker boy haha. So u guys can see me there in a apron and cap hehe.

Going off liao if i got time i tell u guys more about the church camp haha.

2005-06-03T22:45:00.000+08:00

I saw HER again, i met her yesterday. I was discussing some very important matters with my friend which is her cousin. Almost her whole family came, although its kinda awkward but bo bian. My friend's brother got caught stealing things and he is now in remand. We were at my friend's house discussing until SHE came.

Her sis and friend came over to me and ask me some stuff like y am i not talking to her, y i did not contact her blah blah blah. I told them i got a lot of shit on my plate and not in the mood to reminicse about such stuff. Considering how much shit i went through over the month, its understandable right?

I am kinda calm about this probably due to the fact that my friend's brother's case is much bigger than this. No time to think about such things. But she's like dao me leh, we only spoke like about 2 lines. But aiya dun care gonna settle my own problems first.

2005-05-23T20:05:00.000+08:00

Its now holidays and i kinda sian. In the past, i always looked forward to holidays but now i am dreading it. Probably too many things happened at the same time like a gloomy cloud cast over me. The church camp is on 8-12 june, didn't want to go because of the cost. Its 430 bucks and man i could buy alot of things with 430. Add one more hundred and i could buy a new hp. I pondered about it for quite some time. In the end, i realised that with 430 i can buy lots of stuff but i can't buy my soul. I am planning to go to the church camp with a soul searching trip and hopefully i can find some answers there. My soul is weary and tired due to some very unfortunate circumstances. Probably everyone needs a break now and then and this is the break i need the most now. So anyone who is interested in joining me can contact me hehe. Its in malaysia and its near the beach. Wa lau my bod is full of fats and i am kinda paiseh to swim hehe.

Aftermath

2005-04-29T04:29:00.000+08:00

It have been about 1 wk after that "hell of a wk". Things have been mostly been settled down and now i am preparing for my exams, but one thing have been haunting me is her. Sometimes i can't stop thinking about her. Probably i can't let her go.

I have been doing a lot of thinking these days, wondering wat to do after my exams. i have planned a lot of things for her b4 we broke up, but then with her gone, i probably lost my motivation. To tell u honestly, i am not as good as you think, i have my own flaws and my own past. Without her, i lost my motivation to quit smoking.

i thought of the times we were together, the places we went, the things we saw and the things we did. Now it had faded into something we called memories.

I am gonna plan and decide what am i going to do next, probably go do some part-time work to buy a new hp. After that close brush with death, i am not going to take things for granted again.

Probably i should do my share of encouraging people, people tag me but i dun tag people, its a unhealthy relationship u noe. Ya i did my share of encouragement but its like once in a blue moon. People always write cards to me but i dun write. I have actually prepared a stack of cards planning to write to linda, but hai~~~ Now the cards are on my desk, laughing at my foolishness and naivety. If u have received a card from me, u better READ it no matter wat!! Cos my handwriting is really like shit, hope u dun mind.

Thoughout that time, other than my "band of brothers". I am really grateful to sheena,alvin,huimin,angel and my leader brother bernard. Sheena, my jiemei, 1st one to know this thing, have really enlightened me about relationships are really not easy to maintain. She told me about her experiences and her own past. Its not easy telling someone ur own past, and she always treated me to good food when i am at my lowest point. Thank you for that!!!! Hope that one day i can help u back in my own way. Alvin, square face, although you are kinda "dumb" sometimes and sometimes lack some "life experience", but i am grateful that you are always there when i needed someone to talk to although ur mum keeps asking u to hang up hehe. I think in the future you will become a good leader, BUT!!, u gonna learn how to be more smart!! hehe But thank goodness u dun haf to face the same trials that i faced, for that i am glad enough. Huimin, minmin, although u are just 15 but sometimes i feel like you are 20, mature with a childlike touch on it. Always encouraged me thru my tagboard and cards. Although i can't be there for u sometimes, although i sometimes misses ur "low point", but i am glad that u will still encourage me and pushes me on. Thanks... Angel..,auntie hehe, Thanks for that sms u sent me, it was a very kind gesture and i am kinda touched. Although sometimes i make a fool out of you, but i am happy to have u as a friend. And lastly the award goes to...................(drumroll) Brother Bernard!!! Although 60% bald at the age of 26, but have the wisdom of a 50 yr old. What can i say.... Always dishes out advice when i needed(athough sometimes i dun heed it though hehehe). Always been there for me when i needed it, taught me that life is not fate or some shit destiny crap, its the choices that we make. I think that u are really wise, and taught me many things. Taught me that relationships are actually not as simple as i thought, the trick to maintain a relationship. When i was robbed that day, treated me to breakfast and told me that he is just glad i came back alive. Always laugh quietly when i am making digs at his hair hehe(promise to do less of it in the future hehe). He is the rare breed of people that i truly respect. Never "psycho" me to do anything, just through simple encouragement. Although i hate to admit it, but i think deep down in heart i see him as my father(although mine own pops popped several years ago). I have neber tasted much love in my life, i grew up with a hardened heart and was hateful and always thought "lao tian" is always playing me out. But yet he opened a new world and opened my eyes to see that actually there is light at the end of the tunnel. Been always there for me when i got into trouble. Thank God for you..... and u guys too.....

Double Impact

2005-04-26T16:14:00.000+08:00

6 days after linda broke up with me, i went to J.B. On my way back, I got robbed at gunpoint outside city square, which is very near the customs. I lost my handphone and my money. Within a week, I received two blows in my life.

I was very scared at that time, i thought i would never make it back to singapore alive. But thank goodness i came back in one piece, not in a body bag. Besides that i almost lost my life, i also lost my precious hp, my memories with her was inside my hp. I could have been shot and go to dunnoe where.

I wonder if i was really got shot, how would she react? To tell u honestly, i am kinda curious. Sad? No reaction? cry like hell? For the first time in my life, i felt i have lost everything, love, self-esteem, confidence, faith and probably almost my life. I wonder how u guys will react if i really got shot hehe.... I wonder how my funeral will be like... choi choi choi....

After such a dramatic week, i am kinda tired. I feel like i am the receiving end of a very very bad joke made by God. Nice one god!!! Thanks for pulling off such a big prank on me. Damn now i know how John Constantine feels.

Sorry i am in a very very bad mood right now. Damn i really feel so f**ked up, so much that i cursed the robber whole family die(in cantonese). I just need some time to pick myself up again and earn some money to buy a better hp.

为什么这样子你拉着我说你有些犹豫

2005-04-19T12:40:00.000+08:00

Hai~~~ a few hours after i wrote the previous entry, i received a break up sms from her. To tell u honestly i was not prepared for this, i thought maybe she is just angry or wat but then i never thought that things would come to this stage. It was our 1 mth anniversary.

It was the same old problem again, but then i felt that the time is really not enough. Within a month to change many things is really not possible. Think i jesus izzit? I asked sheena, alvin, brother bernard and some of my other friends. They also think that to change within a month is not possible. But then i gave my best to meet up with her expectations of me. But then this was not enough. I always give but yet i did not take. Probably this is the first time of my life that i really give a lot. Other people i dun give a damn but for her i am willing to give. But yet every time i open my heart, i always get hurt and this time it really hurts. My heart also not enough space to put this scar haha.

I really love her a lot, for her side i dunnoe but i really cherish this relationship. I could have chose to lie to her that i quit smoking but then i dun want, i can't bear to lie to her. But yet she thinks that everything that i said are lies. I dunnoe but do i really look so bad? I mean i admit i abit ah beng but am i a jerk?

She msged me that can we remain friends? I told her to that i would like to be left alone. To tell u the truth, i dun want to see her again. Brother Bernard told me to cool down first, and meet her up to talk. Talk about what went wrong, what is her expectations of me intially, what was the timeframe that was needed for me to change blah blah blah. Sit and talk like adults, easier said then done, i am not sure whether i can take another blow or not. The fear of rejection is so real that it really cuts me up. The agony, the pain, the sorrow, the anger, mashed up into one. If she rejected me intially, the pain is just one percent but things have come to this, i feel that i lost everything.

I smoked a lot for the past few days, dunnoe why the more i smoke the more sad i am. Probably due to the reason that this was part of the reason to break up. Why did i pick up smoking in the first place?! Life can be so cruel, the past always comes to haunt you like a shadow behind you. The more you run to the light, the longer it gets.

I tink i gonna lie low for these few days, get my mind in order before i plan the next move. Talk to her, remain friends or just zap her away from my life completely? I dunnoe, but i gonna be sad for quite a while though...........

"为什么这样子你拉着我说你有些犹豫怎么这样子雨还没停你就撑伞要走已经习惯不去阻止你过好一阵子你就会回来印象中的爱情好像顶不住那时间为什么这样子你看着我说你已经决定我拉不住你他的手应该比我更暖铁盒的序变成了日记变成了空气演化成回忆印象中的爱情好像顶不住那时间所以你弃权''

i can never understand girls

2005-04-17T18:59:00.000+08:00

Recently, she is angry at me for some things. Like me haven quit smoking, skip class blah blah blah. Till now she is refusing to reply my sms and answer my calls hai~~~~ Wei sum me che yang zi~~

To tell u honestly, i dunnoe whether i can meet up with her expectations or not. I am a imperfect person, but i really love her very much. I dunnoe whether i can take this rejection or not. For someone who lived with rejection all his life, love seems like so far away. But yet when love comes, it can be so hurting. I have never experienced much love in my life, i was so used to being alone that i was numb to many things. My heart hardened so much that i refused to accept God. What is love? Damned if only i knew the answer. Yet this love have taken its toll on me.

But last night something really interesting happened to me. Last night i was so frustrated tat i could not sleep. Den i opened my wallet and a card dropped out. It was those kind of cards tat members of my cell wrote to me saying God loves you blah blah blah.... Den i thought of God, wondering should i pray or not. Den i thought aiya heck care lar who cares!!! Den dunnoe y i go listen to the radio cos i hardly listen to the radio. That time i was scrolling the channels den i was shocked to hear 'holy holy holy' on the radio. i thought can't be cos the channel is UFM. For a moment i thought i tuned in to Heaven's channel. Den it was the chinese version of the christian song. It said about angels,love and heaven. i think maybe it is a divine concidence, God if u are hearing this please fix this for me.

2005-04-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

They say when u are with the someone that u love, Time flies, and when you are missing that someone, Time crawls, this i realli agree. Amazingly, i managed to get over missing her is by watching soccer and playing PS2 haha.
Recently i watched House Of Fury, and Gillian Chung is sooooooooooooooo cute!!!!!!!! I dun mind getting punched by her a few times hahahaha. wait till linda hears that hahaha. Recently i attempted to quit smoking but then i ended up in a high fever ,headaches, and continuous craving for nicotine. It was hell, well life is hell.In the end i still failed.

" Little by little, one by one, stealing my heart you already took me whole when I realized,This kind of thing never happened to me. Oh What happened to me.I would't believe nor hear that so-called love before I came to know you.Because you are the love who makes it all possible."

Ok bye for now k? sorry for the short entry hehe promise a better one nxt time.

Accidentally In Love part 2

2005-03-23T18:11:00.000+08:00

Right now i am in J.B at my aunt's place, with my nosy cousin beside me seeing every word i type. Today i went for a facial with my cousin, later heading back to Singapore. Although I am only away from singapore for a day, linda is kinda sad to let me go. She asked me to sms her when i reach singapore customs.... Awwwwww.... so sweet...... hahaha later i die of diabetes.

Today is the 1 wk anniversary of linda and me. Still in the honeymoon period, i will say. She got posted to Republic Poly, she said its damn boring there, and asked me how. She is appealing for NP's dunnoe wat course. Hai~~ maybe i go find her nxt time lar.

My cousins have realli grown up liao, the elder one is beside me strumming the guitar and singing dunnoe wat. The younger one is going to secondary sch in 2 yrs time.

I am still trying to get used to be attached, last time i am too used to being single. I can do anything i like, can flirt with any girls i like. Now i haf to answer to my "xiao eh". Still trying to get used to having someone by my side.

Ok liao lar bye bye

Accidentally In Love

2005-03-19T21:22:00.000+08:00

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it
How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love
Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love
So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love
Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love
These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no
Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love
Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love
We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)
Accidentally
I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally (X 2)
Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her
Love ...I'm in love

Yeah!!!! I am in love!!!!! hahaha!! damn!!!! neber thought it will happen to me!!!

Recently i got myself a girlfriend, her name is linda and godamn it i am flying over the moon rite now!! How i got hitched is quite a rollercoaster ride, actually it was an accident lar. Just like the name of the song. In order for me to becum her boyfriend, i must fulfil 2 terms. 1, quit smoking 2, dun flirt around with other girls.

A ctually she is a very nice girl, personally i dun noe wat she likes about me. She dislikes guys which do the following 3 things, smoke,disrespectful to parents and drinking. Somehow i managed to have all three. But then life can be so ironic, i known her for almost a year, she is my buddy's cousin, but i neber expected to be attached to her. I will try to change for her. For her i am willing to do anithing(except go and die lar of cos!!).

Actually i am quite scared that i may not fulfil her promises and leave me. I lived with rejection all my life, yet this fear keeps creeping into me. But what the hell, i am too escatic to think so much, maybe when we stead for a few more weeks den i will know.

ByeZZZZZZ

Wat the hell!! Part 2

2005-02-28T15:11:00.000+08:00

A big fat 9 stared into my eyes like a curse, it was my maths O level result. Hai~~ looks like i realli suck in maths. How i wish i could be like God of Gamblers, can rub it off and become A1 haha.

From young, i have been failing maths like nobody's business, i could easily pass other subjects even without studying but yet i could study maths and could still fail it. But wat the heck, its not the end of the road for me, i still have 40 more yrs of life(hopefully) ahead of me.

Yesterday, i went M'sia with my friends, went onto this big ferry and sailed around. Its quite shiok to do this once in a while, catching with long friends and stuff like that. And somemore the cigarettes there are much cheaper hehe:p.

And yo by the way, the corrospondence club is a club which members sends letters to one another. Letters by mail not the e-mail one ok? Bye Bye

Wat the hell!!

2005-02-26T03:54:00.000+08:00

Recently there is a spike in the price of cigarettes, Every packet of cigarettes now cost $1.50 more. Because of this, i am kinda forced to quit the habit cos right now a packet cost a ridiculously high price. However i found a new type of addiction which is...... chocolates!!! They cost 10 times cheaper than cigarettes haha.

I wanted to start a corrospondence(izzit spelled correctly?) club though starting with joanna first. It is basically a group of people who contact each other though mail, and you can write about anything under the sun. Its onli for people whu can write well, so crappy mail is not entertained hehe. Come to think of it, i haven wrote anithing to Joanna yet :p. Cos i have to start the ball rolling.

It have been sometime that i started to write, dunnoe y but em this time i am not going to waste my own talents. Better use it rather than throw it into the sea rite? so interested? u can contact me via e-mail or hp.

A few days ago during practical lesson, i almost got my fingers smashed by moving parts in a machine, thank goodness my reflexes were quick enuff to pull my fingers away. And u may ask y my fingers are there in the 1st place? Cos i am sleepy and my concentration was almost zero hehe. :p I vowed to be more alert nxt time.

Gong Xi Fat Cai!!

2005-02-12T04:58:00.000+08:00

This year my hongbao money was reduced, don't know why but hai~~ forget it, maybe the previous year my family had a funeral.Pantang mar. I gambled a bit on CNY with my fredz :p hehe. I was totally washed out in mahjong but hey i got back my losses during "blackjack' haha. As you grow older and older, CNY is becoming more and more sian and more or less the same.

As i looked back on last year and this year, hmmm i dun tink i changed a lot. I am still as goofy as ever and suave as ever (ahem). Made some new friends, some memorable ones are daryl, MinMin and Co and a few. But the past year i personally saw some of my fredz changed. Some better for worse, some worse for better. Some of them had steads but still unhappy as ever. But the biggest shocks is i saw some of my fredz pick up smoking, when i first knew them, they do not smoke and they themselves "proclaim" tat they will neber smoke. But in end they smoked what the hell!!! I am trying hard to quit this habit and they are picking up the habit WTH!!. Some of them changed from a nice and angelic girl into a smoking and vugarities spewing Ah Lian. Hai~~. Although i have no right to say them because i myself is also "bu shi hao dong xi". But then to see someone walking onto the path i once strode on, its kinda disappointing. In my mind i thought, why cheapen yourself for just trying to blend into a crowd? You have caring fredz, a nice environment to grow up with and you are not poor. I became like an Ah Beng because back then circumstances forced my hand. I picked up smoking because the only friends i had was the Bengs. I did not have a good relationship with my mum also. But then i admit that there is no excuses, but then i could not turn back the clock. But i am glad that i was not led so far off the road until there is no turning back. I still managed to get my priorites right and did not become a gangster.

All this is part of growing up, u win some u lose some, its never a smooth road. Sometimes you veer off course but the most important thing is to veer it right again. And by the way my pics are out Finally!!http://tommylim85.mypicgallery.com/

" I thought You have left my life already, I thought I will never see You again, but one day I saw a likeness of You, A reflection of You. An uncanny likeness, the amount of light You brought to my life. The same infatuation feeling, the same way you brighten up my life. What shall I do? Shall I watch you from afar again? Or Shall I try to get your heart? But I am scared of failure and rejection, I am confused right now."

Tommy

Guess who's back!!

2005-02-09T03:09:00.000+08:00

Okay Guess who's back, back again Tommy's back, tell a friendNow everyone report to the dance floorTo the dance floor, to the dance floorNow everyone report to the dance floorAlright stop! Blogging time!!

Sorry for the long wait guys i am backkkkkk. Oh man it seems ages that i blogged. ok let move to recent events. Some wks back, i received an sms from Daryl asking to go CIP with his MinMin.. So i tagged along and went to this mentally disabled home near my house there. So i went to help out and brought them out for flag day. So i got to knew some new fredz again, Jane Wong and Peter Wong(the Hongkies), Angel(some steel teethed gal who keeps laufing non-stop when she sees me),Yunting(whatever), did i miss out ani1? and ya! that girl named Genevieve i tink

When i was interacting with the people from the home, its kinda sad ur noe, a man who is my age with a mental capacity of a child, drawing with crayons and stuff like that. When i saw that, i thought that being healthy from top to bottom is actually a damn good blessing. I kept digging minmin and daryl haha. Sorry abt tat:p haha. I tink we had fun and i kept shooting arrows haha. We went for 2 times and i tink we had learnt a very important lesson that we can't take things for granted.

On CNY eve, we went out again, but its abit sian cos its kinda early to go out :p. Almost all the shops are closed. Jane Wong is pissed with me cos i erm commented abt her "august 15th" Sori abt tat!!!!! I hope u dun take it to heart. MinMin and Co have given me many nicknames like "dinosaur" "rambo" "turtle" blah blah blah.
Hai~~ bo bian whu ask mi so shuai hahahaha.

Oh ya Angel said that she does not quite believe that this blog is written by me. HEY!!! ANGEL!!! its me TOMMY LIM right here right now penning every word on this blog!!! Sounds so "unbelievable" rite har.. Hey i can write well one ok?! haha Juz kidding ok bye for now ok? sori its kinda short

What A View!!

2005-01-13T14:24:00.000+08:00

Recently i returned from Sabah, I went mountain climbing with my school. Mt Kinabalu, 4092m high and total hiking route was 8.5 km. The 1st leg of the climb is 6km from below to the base camp, where we rested for 6 to 7 hrs den we move on to push for the summit.

The hardest part of the journey is 2 parts. The 1st 2-3 km of the journey and the pushing for the summit. I remember when i hiked for 1 or 2 km, i rested in 1 of the huts, i ate a snickers bar and found out it had no taste!! It feels funny to have a lump of stuff in your mouth, but then as i go up even higher my body had adjusted, den my tastebuds slowly come back. As i go up higher, it gets colder and colder, and my heart begin to beat faster and harder, i start to breathe harder too. I just keep drinking water and eating snickers and muesli bars.

We started at abt 11am, den we reached base camp at abt 6-7pm, we had dinner and rested until 2am. We went on to the summit, i remember it was dark, cold and it was tiring. My motivation was tis little light on the summit, i just kept going, walk 20 steps, rest, my mind was a blank, i could not focus properly, i felt like lying down to sleep. Its was very cold, abt 3-4 degrees at the most. I just concentrated on my breathing, seems like eternity to reach the summit. At 1 point, every step was an agony, but then i remembered pastor's sermon "Step of Faith". I just keep going and going, den i suddenly felt something cold at my feet. Argh! Shucks i stepped into a puddle!!. I quickly changed my socks b4 my feet freeze and could not walk.

5.45am Finally!!! i reached the summit, the view is spectacular. Clouds are below you, the land is so so green and i could see sun rays shining down upon the land, i tink God have done a great job in creating tis earth. I feel like i was in heaven for a while. I just sat in awe of the view, all those suffering is worth it, cos the view is realli i dunnoe how to describe.

When i came back from the mountain, my legs are aching, i could not walk properly for 3 days. But then it was all worth it. Seriously u guys should go if u haf the chance.

Christmas Idol

2004-12-28T17:36:00.000+08:00

On Christmas Eve, i helped the church to host a event. Zero rehearsals cos of work commitments, last min preparation, i managed to pull it off.... I tink. The audience was quite spontaneous and i tink it was quite a success, well except for a few boos boos. I forgot to intro the judges, forgot to announce some stuff hai~~~. We had a great time, and great food too. Rhoda, Peiting and Joanna looked stunning in their dresses. Not to forget me oso....haha

On the Christmas Day itself, i went to the poolside dinner with the adults. It had a nice ambience and was kinda different from other youth dinners. It was at a club and the six youths including me brought the house down. It was fun and a gastronomical pleasure. Qingying won a bag n a dvd player. So good~~~~

Ahha~~ i almost forgot, b4 christmas eve which is on the 23rd, my colleagues pulled me into Double O, which is a club at Muhamed Sultan. My goodness, we drank and danced until we could not walk properly hahahaha. The music there was Wow!! Man!! Got USHER, eminem and Alicia Keys. i danced and danced until the club closed at 3.haha

Apart from the 23rd, the 24 and the 25th was a nice refreshing change from my other Christmases. In the past, 24th was be the perfect time to drink and go hustle with the crowd for the countdown, after the countdown I would drink myself silly with my friends. This Christmas is the one tat is truly memorable. I did something which i never imagined and saw myself doing which is stand in front of 40 odd people and make merry with them. Christmas is not only the day that we make merry and party and also remember that it is the birth of Christ and the new era of salvation.

Well after 3 days of partying and merrying, i came down wif flu the nxt day and did not make it to the Sunday cum Christmas service :P. Well Cya guys and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Working Life

2004-12-11T02:36:00.000+08:00

Recently i started on a part time job, its at Ang Mo kio and i work for motorola. I work in the shipping department and i work 12 hrs a day. Because of the long hours i dun haf time to blog much, i just reach home and sleep, and wake up go work. Luckily its just temporary, or else i die of exhaustion.

In my workplace, there are a lot of Ah Bengs with tattoos and stuff like that, but they are actually nice people when u get to know them. I like the "talk cock" sessions with them. I remember 1 of the sessions we touched on studying and the future, suddenly their faces turned serious. I asked one of them whether he want to go study again because he was locked up b4 he could finish his studies. He said he was afraid of studying again because he is scared of failure. For him, it have been 4 years since he touched a book. I asked him that is he going to remain like that forever, do odd jobs all his life and he said no. But then he said he will see how the future goes lor.

Like anyone else, i want to succeed in life, of cos i am not saying that if u study well u will confirm do well in life. I dun believe in that kind of crap. In work, u will have to handle things that will be never taught in school. U will have to face that stupid boss who is looking for creative ways to complain about you. I believe if u strive to do your bery best in your phases in life, u will succeed. Studying is a phase, working is a phase and even national service is a phase. I admit lar i do eat "snake" , but i am human after all. Even robots can break down during long hours of work. I always believe that in life there is no guarantees. Life is too short to be depressed and feel down all the time. I dun want my "final chapter" in my life to be a sad ending, i want it to be a very happy one, leaving behind precious and happy memories to people around me. How i die is not important, its how i live my life that is bestowed upon me is the most important thing.

Fantasies

2004-11-30T16:06:00.000+08:00

U know now the holidays have started, i am beginning to play my PS2 more regularly. U know playing my PS2 sometimes satisfy my own fantasies like being a spy,hero and a fighter pilot.

I wanted to be a pilot from young , soaring through the skies and they look so cool. How i wish i could be a pilot like this....

AWACS: Tommy, your callsign is Ace1.
ME:Roger
AWACS:Ace1, patrol the area for hostiles
ME: Roger
AWACS: unidentified aircraft at your 12 o'clock , go check it out
ME:affirmative
ME:unidentifed aircraft, you are to declare your ID or we will shoot you down i repeat you are to declare your ID or we will shoot you down
Blink~~ warning lights and sounds comes on.
AWACS: hard turn left ACE1!! Evade missile!!!
ME: goddamn it it just fired onto me!! ARRGHHH!!!(pulling the joystick left and up)
AWACS: More bandits at your six o"clock!!! Shake them off ACE1!!!!!
ME: Arrghhh!!! (turning the plane to shake them off and getting behind the enemy)
BEEP BEEP BEEP~~~~
ME: Missile lock!! FOX2!!!!
BOOM!!
ME: Enemy plane shot down!!!

Whoaa man, see? its so cool to be a pilot. Somemore, ladies love them. But too bad i am short-sighted hai~~

You Are Not Alone

2004-11-20T05:45:00.000+08:00

Yo i saw this on the net and found it interesting

*to the tune of michael jackson's "You are not alone"

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
God's not here with me
God never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did God have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For God is here with you
Though you're far away
God is here to stay

(God's promise to you)

You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
You are not alone

All alone
Why, oh

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
So forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Then something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For God is here with you
Though you're far away
He is here to stay
For you are not alone
God is here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in God's heart
And you are not alone

Whisper his name and he'll come runnin'
And you will know that he'll be there
he'll be there

You are not alone
God is here with you
Though you're far away
God's here to stay
You are not alone
God is here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in God's heart

For you are not alone

I tink the changing of the words is not realli perfect but i tink its kinda touching. Its goes out to all people whu tink that god have left their world so cold (including me haha) and left them so alone. Cos i tink nobody is realli alone in this world(even adam is not alone haha)

HAHAHAHA~~

2004-11-08T13:55:00.000+08:00

My exams have ended liao!!! haha can go and play liao haha. i am going to buy a lot of games liao hahaha. And also i will be shifting to my uncle's place soon. Its at Bukit Merah there, its kinda near church so no excuses for being late. My family's finances have hit a glitch so have to move there. The bad thing is i dun haf mine own room animore. But the good thing is i have more pocket money haha. Well i lose some i win some.

Now that the O levels haf ended, its time to prepare for ITE's exams. Juz 3 papers(its an online test) 30 questions MCQ. And also the Mt Kina climb, recently haf been out of shape, muz train back my stamina liao. Yoga lessons ended this week and i realised i have been only to 1 and a half lessons out of 4 lessons. Cos i fell sick for a whole week and was kinda weak. During the last lesson the instructor's sports bra was even more low cut hehehe.

I got a shock when holyman asked me to go play LAN with him 1 day. I thot he holy holy 1 haha. Well sometimes i tink holyman have to be a bit "smart". Not that kind of smart that books can give you, but sometimes he must know how to be flexible. Now he is learning how to talk "cock" haha.

Hmpt~~~

2004-10-23T02:10:00.001+08:00

Recently my friend A is damn pissed with my another friend B. Although i am not very sure what is the reason but it seems like they sort of quarrelled thru sms. One of them is Hmpting away and another 1 thinks that she is siao. Personally i think it is a misunderstanding lar but then i am not very sure what is going on so i will not comment who is rite whu is wrong.

Although i have a very foul mouth but then i often make it a point not to spew vulgarities and say sarcastic words when i am smsing. Its very easy to have misunderstandings when your words is not clean. But of course i am hoping that the 2 will patch up lar, its never easy to be the middle man.

Been feeling sickish the whole week man, just not my week man. Ya signing off liao bye~~~ Can't wait for my O levels to end man haha

Ramblings

2004-10-16T03:34:00.000+08:00

I believe those not taking O levels and A levels and those NOT in Tertiary level education would have ended their exams and probably got back their results. Hai~ Still got a month to go for O levels and roughly 2 months to the climb, have not been focusing on studies and have been slacking off a bit in training. The 3 times a week runs have been changing to 2 times and wats worse the school training have not been really intensive enough.

This week i got a shock when i heard that my mountain climbing training will involve Yoga(sounds unbelievable rite).Today a Yoga instructor actually came to train us in stretching our muscles and some out of this world postures. During the 1 hour session, we did exercises and stretching along with some Kitaro-type music. When the session came to the 30 min mark, i was already sweating profusely and can't wait for the hour long torture to end. It was really difficult and more strenous than our normal PE exercises, i rather run the 5 km run than do this. Must do the movements SLOWLY and suck in our stomach when we are doing the abs exercises. By the time the session ended my legs was shaking already. Nxt time should ask the St Margaret girls to do this haha, they looked so frail and i believe they dun exercise. Or maybe even Pastor haha(he have been concious about his shape these days)

Nothing much happened, things have been slow probably people are caught up during exams. Church have been preaching about Kings, Kingship and priesthood for the whole of last month and this month. Living your own identity blah blah blah, layi loi yita blah blah, a bit sick of hearing that already(no offence though) Maybe should really wait until the end of my Os den i can really prepare for the climb. Not thinking a lot these days, i have been sleeping more these days. End of this month, the St margaret girls invited me and daryl to their fair in their school(on the 31st i tink). Well daryl is anxious about it(again), and me well i am pretty cool about it. Well i have been "exclusively booked" by huimin, so i haf to go. Hey i charge $50 an hour u noe, u tink hiring a clown is cheap izzit? hahha. Somemore an handsome clown is more expensive mar (pukesss).

Well signing off liao, dun worry all of u no matter wat grades u get or how horrible your grades, i still regard you as my friend dun worry. So take care all of you and HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY HAR~~~~~~

I wonder what made me changed?

2004-10-02T01:41:00.000+08:00

I watched the thai movie My Girl last week. In the movie, the boy have a female friend which is the same age as him. They played together and was practically stuck on each other until the boy changes his mind.

When i was watching this movie, i was reminded of my childhood days. I spent my weekends in the temple during my childhood days and i had childhood friends. We played and fought with each other there, we practically grew up together. Like the boy in the movie, i had a "female friend" haha. She was older than me by a year. Although she don't have pigtails and rosy cheeks but she was kind hearted and shared things with me. I was the youngest and the cutest(ahem) of the "boy gang", i was often alienated and bullied. Whenever she got something good from her mother, she would share it with me. I remember 1 time when the adults was not around, we played a couple, she was my wife and i was her hushand. we held hands, kissed(i am not kidding you), and hugged. That time i was damn young then, did not know that these things need a "parental guide advised" rating on it. Come to think of it, maybe the boys are jealous of me, thats y they bully me haha.

At that time, nothing material in this world mattered, attention, money,fame and popularity. Just me and her, innocent, carefree and childish. When i was bullied, she will come and play with me. When she was scolded by her hot-tempered mum, she would come to me. She came from a single-parent family, her hurt and hate was not evident then, but then somehow fate have put us together. Maybe she was the only 1 that could sense the hurt and hate within me then, and we was healing each other wounds.

She left my life when i was 11, she started to go to temple irregularly and stopped coming all together. After she left, i was starting my adolescent years and it was hell. Looking at the present me and the childhood me, it was really really a big change. I wonder did she change a great deal too? From a innocent, jovial and a happy kid to a hateful,spiteful and a heck care young man. I wonder what have made me changed? Was it the circumstances? Was it the adults? Or was it just myself? Years and years of hate compressed inside me, making me a wreck, been wanting to let go but the nightmares just won't stop. Sometimes people ask me y i don't want to find a stead. I would jokingly tell them lame reasons. Actually i have not found the courage to love someone, scared of going near someone. I have faced rejection all my life, scared that i may not be good enough for that someone. I have defence mechanisms in my heart, shooting down anyone who goes near including Jesus.

I wonder who can heal the hurt and hate within me, even the closest of friends have only soothed my wounds. I have been waiting for this person my whole life, but somehow i knew it may never happen.

Death

2004-09-27T16:14:00.000+08:00

Recently my greatgrandmother passed away, she was 98 and she went peacefully in her house. To tell you honestly, i was not surprised when i heard the news. She was senile and old, and she passed away peacefully.

In my whole life, i have only been involved in 2 funerals, this one and my father's one. My father's wake is much more sombre, because he was quite young and was killed in a freak accident at his workplace. He struggled for his life for 10 days in the hospital ICU and was in pain when he woke up from the morphine jabs. He passed away in pain without even a word, he could not talk for the whole time because of the tubes that was in his mouth. For him, death is a release from his physical pain. I was only 12 years old then.

Is death is a release? What is life after death? These answers i have been seeking for a long time. There are times when everything around me seemed exceedingly hopeless and i tried to sought death as my release but then somehow death was not an option for me. In life there are really no guarantees, nothing in life is definite. There is nothing in life that will be set in stone, course the only thing that will be set in stone is your name on your own tombstone haha.

When will i die? This is the question i sometimes will ask myself. Will i leave a legacy behind? I think how i die is not important, is whether how i live my life thats is the most important thing. I will try to cherish friends and people around me no matter what.

Low on morale

2004-09-22T19:12:00.000+08:00

Recently things have been happening at home and church, these things have been affecting me for quite a while. Today when i go meet huimin, jane,daryl and a kid who i dunnoe wats his name, i have been trying hard to conceal it though. Although i did not hide it very well but i think i did quite an ok job on it.

I am not elaborating much on what have happened but i think i will be fine after a long mental rest. Even the joker will have to rest his mind. But i felt encouraged by Huimin's card encouraging me to study hard. Of course that is not relevant to my woes but at least a bit encouragement will do me fine. There are many many thoughts running through my mind right now but i dunnoe how to pen them down at once, probably i am just "tired".

Well goodbye and when i come back keep your eyes peeled for powerful stuff haha. So see you, i go and rest this mind of mine liao.

NJRC

2004-09-21T14:36:00.000+08:00

Last last week i went science center to watch the St Marg's girl's robotics thing. As i reached there quite late, i was stuck outside unable to get in the booths with them. Well, daryl was lucky though he went there quite early and gotten in. i went to jurong library to wait for them to come out when the thing haf ended.

Daryl, huimin, jane and i boarded bus 66. Jane went home and huimin going tuition and daryl and i going bugis. On the bus i got scolded by a stupid old indian guy because i wanted to change places with that old freak(retribution haha).

Daryl and i saw huimin to her tuition center at Fu Lu Shou there, then suddenly she pushed 2 pieces of paper to daryl. At first daryl was so happy and excited until he saw his name together with mine hahahaha. When we opened the letter, a big thank you was sprawled on the 1st piece of paper, and in it huimin said that if it wasn't for our support she would not been there after all. The 2nd letter was addressed to daryl, something similar to the 1st letter was written also. (so unfair how come i dun haf hahaha)

I am kinda surprised by the letter, firstly i am not that "noble"to begin with. I went to science center because i had time between rock-climbing and cell. i am quite touched by the letter though, it said that she was touched by we going to support them. i really want to thank huimin for brightening up my day.

Choices that I make

2004-09-09T04:23:00.000+08:00

Recently at night, I reflected on my past. Reflected on the choices that i have made over the years the decisions that i made. Sometimes i do wish i have a Time-turner like Harry Potter to turn back time and make things right. But then come to think of it, if it wasn't for the stupid choices or decisions that i made back then, i would not be the "Tommy" that you guys know today.

Sometimes being too smart can be a pain in the ass also. Over the years, I taught myself many things the hard way, developing a type of street smartness in me. There are some things that i know will happen someday and sometimes when i see some situations that i know will affect me somehow or rather. Actually one look and i can see that people don't like me or just see me buay song because of some stupid reason. Sometimes rejection can be a bitter pill to swallow but i am quite used to it. Who cares whether that guy or gal don't want to tell u anything, who cares whether that particular person is starting to hate you or reject you. Sometimes rejection is part and parcel of life, i guess i have to live with it. There are some things i rather don't know den know. But then "street-smartness" can be a gift also haha.

There is one particular choice that i made surprised even myself. That i stayed on my current church for 2 years. I don't know what made me stay on. I remember i arrived on the door of my church as a soul-wearied traveller, tired, weary,cold and drenched with the rain of the outside world. The church was my refuge from the outside world and my dark past and i just wanted someplace to rest my soul. The church was just a harbour and a little piece of heaven for me. Tired of wandering around the "dark" and the "rain" , just wanted a place to shelter me before i moved on.

The church and my members fed me "hot soup" to warm my cold heart and start to creep into my life. I shut the door of my heart in their faces many times. Each time they try, each time they will receive a slam in their faces. In their eyes, i just wanted to be the joker and hope that they will remember me well when the time have come for me to leave. "Receive Christ?" U must be kidding me, "become a holy man" u are nuts!! Some even tell me that they have a vision that i will become pastor haha, i think thats is a screensaver haha. In the end, i stayed on and did not leave y? I really don't know.

There are some times that i really wanted to leave and travel on alone but then something always pulls me back. Was it God? I don't know, i never really truly wholehearted prayed in my life. There is 101 reasons not to come to church but then there is only 1 reason to come to church. I think u guys should know the reason.

At the last service the creation kids service, i purposely skipped the service to avoid meeting up with someone after the service. I feel bad about it, because that day i am surposed to be the cameraman. The person and i had a very deep misunderstanding caused by my members in my cell. We had a big emotional explosion and deep cuts in our relationship was caused. Although i am appalled and digusted with the way how my members handled this thing but still i explained my intention and my concern with them. Although i sort of patched up with my members but still my members have not explained things with him, i am not sure whether should i do it myself or not. I avoided him because i am afraid emotions will get high again and something bad occurs. But still i take things one step at a time and see how it goes, in the meanwhile i just play "dodgeball" haha.

Life is made up of choices and decisions, i can't get everything rite but at least i try to get my choices right. See you then, actually i wrote something else for this entry but i lack the courage to post it, maybe i will post it nxt week haha.

St Margaret's

2004-09-05T01:52:00.000+08:00

Today I went to attend a concert with Daryl at St Margaret's Sec. I also
meet up with Bro Chris's ex-students, Huimin,Jane and Weiqi. Huimin is
performing at the first segment. At first i did not see her but when she
smiles then i recognise her because her smile "sparkles" because of her
braces haha.
Daryl is particularly nervous today. Called me in the morning to confirm and
afternoon to confirm again although he have confirmed with me on the
previous day. Got our meeting place mixed up, and kept telling me to come
faster. Only when we reached the gate then he settled down. I wonder did he
"pontank" his tuition because of this concert haha.
Meet up with Jane at the school gate. Huimin's segment was not too bad except for a bit of offbeat. But she is a keyboardist, very very prone to offbeats. Just ask weiling and Sis Tracy,
when they play, i can cup my ears and know that they were offbeat why?
Because when they play wrongly or did not keep up with the tempo, they will
stick out their tongue or they will look horrified. I was joking away with
Jane and Huimin during the concert.
We had fun during and after the concert. I had my growling stomach silenced
at Macdonald's. We were laughing away at Macdonald's. The girls kept making fun of weiqi and a MP guy. Then i took a bus with
Huimin, then i found out behind this young and talented girl's facade was a
low-esteem and lack of self-confidence person. She felt like a loser before
her elder sister's successes.
How do you measure success? I don't really know. All i know is success can
never be measured. Can love be measured? Can righteousness be measured?
There are some things in this world that can't be measured. But yet humans
always go for things that can be measured like property, fast cars and cash.
Some people are damn bloody rich but they are cruel. Some people are famous,
well-educated but they are selfish, self-centered and horrible.
I try to lead my own life, not by somebody's standards, if i think this is
what i want i will go for it and try my best. No one is a loser in life,
cause you will always have something that other people don't have. Just like
Huimin, I am damn bloody sure that she will have something that her sister
don't have. Just that she just need a light to shine and guide her through.
Just like my leader asked us 'what is your passion?' I have not found it
yet, cause i am drying the wood to light my passion. If you have found your
true passion and purpose in life, i am sure you will lead a powerful life.
Just like the Carltex Ad, " what drives you?"

Problems,problems,problems...

2004-08-25T21:28:00.000+08:00

Recently a young member of mine church have a lot of problems. Problem with guys, problems with her christian life,problems with church. She just wanted to put down everything she is doing and want to lead the life that she wants.
What is the life that i want? To tell u the truth,i dunnoe. All i know is if i forsake the church and the things i am doing now, i will regret it later in life. Life should be without regrets, i regretted too much and ended up running circles in life.
We tried our best to talk to her, understand her, give her advice blah blah blah.As the new PM of Singapore said in his national day rally, the government can give you financial assistance and aid to poor Singaporeans but the only solution to get out of these problems is through Growth. I think her main root of the problem is the lack of faith and the only solution to this is through Growth.Of course it does not only applies to her, it applies to every living christian. Cos faith is the fuel of ur christian life, just like the car can't run without fuel, a runner can't run without energy.

In my life i have always walked around the mountain. Although the mountain is just right in front of me, i just choose to walked around it. I have always feared to go up because i know it will be a strenous and ardous journey. The darkness, the lack of air, sometimes a step is a torture. But then to have a spectacular view of the world and see God's works in life, the only way is up. The night before Martin Luther King's assassination, he said "Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord"

I am now trying to climb the mountain and see the promised land for myself. Many christians have climbed it and stuck halfway, not through the treacherous weather but due to their lack of faith. A mountain-climber worst nightmare is that they are neither up nor down, not due to the weather but due to their losing of will-power. As for the that member in my church, she is neither up nor down and we are trying to tell her to press on too to see the promised land.

As for me i am trying to get out of my dark and sad past, a dungeon that keeps me enslaved to the world. i want to defy the laws of the world and gravity to get on that mountain and climb to the mountaintop. As for my past, maybe i will divulge more on my nxt posting. So keep your eyes peeled for my blog haha.

Hey Ya

2004-08-23T14:14:00.000+08:00

Finally i am getting a blog..... maybe i should use blogs to "communicate" with my church members hahaha....
wat shall i write? dunnoe leh maybe should write about last service....
Last wk i shared a testimony in church,cos a few weeks back i got embroiled into a lawsuit.
I received a letter from the court during SOP service. I tried my best to hide my anxiety during the service, i acted normal, seemed normal. It worked till the following sunday service.It was the crossover service and every intern went to share. At that time, i thought "will i lose the chance to cum to church?" "will these things burn up in flames?". When the pastor called for altar call, as people went for the call,i stared at the the people kneeling. I asked myself should I go? Then my brain came in and said "Aiya,the lawyer can settle this 1 lar" but then my heart says 'wat if the lawyer bungles?' so i sat for a long time listening to my logic and illogic. But then my heart won me over and proceeded to walk. Den my legs felt heavy and sat on the front row den i looked at pastor, he looked at me and said "why dun u go in front?" i said" here is enough".
den i proceeded to share with him, i asked him "will the lord take away things from me?" i wanted answers then but pastor could not give me. All this time I thought my tearducts are already dry due to my past but then my tearducts flowed again with tears of fear and anxiety. But then the pastor assured me, den he prayed,brother bernard prayed,holy man prayed. Then pastor wanted to receive Jesus, in my mind i said "HUH!!!" but then i recited the prayer with skeptic.

As the days are closing in the court case,my stress level increased by each day,each day was an agony plus i had to "look after" a young member in church, telling her everything is alrite blah blah blah because her life is in a mess.Den on the nite b4 going to court, i smsed crossover and thanked them being with me and watever the the outcome the the case i thanked them for being my friend. i also thanked them for being lighthouses in my dark life.

so the nxt day i stepped inside the court and looked back and thought "will i come out in chains or come out a free man?" Den we waited, we went in the room blah blah blah. Den the complainant said he only wanted an apology. I thought "HUH!!!!!! like tat onli har!!!"
Then i stepped out of the court FREE!!!! HaHA The charge n case got WITHDRAWN!!!

Its amazing to see how my 2 wks of suffering ended in juz 5-10 mins.10 years,20years,30years or even a lifetime of suffering can be ended juz by accepting Christ.All is possible with Jesus's Blood.The accepting will take only a short while, 30 mins at the most. But the walking with Christ will take a lifetime.

Till now i am still "suspecting" God, but i am thankful tat i got changed from a "hateful" person to a "grateful" person.I am juz glad i got my normal life back and the "rain" is over.

unholyman

Updates

NS Life

Life Changes

Happy CNY

No longer a firefighter

JUz survived 2 wks of hell..

3 months of hell awaits me

Currently in NS

Currently Overseas

lalala~~

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

i gonna be brave enuff to take critism oso

hihihi

Transitions in life

CNY blues

Xmas 05

Life is Cruel

Maybe~~

Last quarter of the year

Updates

From Try to Strive

Aftermath

Double Impact

为什么这样子 你拉着我 说你有些犹豫

i can never understand girls

Accidentally In Love part 2

Accidentally In Love

Wat the hell!! Part 2

Wat the hell!!

Gong Xi Fat Cai!!

Guess who's back!!

What A View!!

Christmas Idol

Working Life

Fantasies

You Are Not Alone

HAHAHAHA~~

Hmpt~~~

Ramblings

I wonder what made me changed?

Death

Low on morale

NJRC

Choices that I make

St Margaret's

Problems,problems,problems...

Hey Ya

为什么这样子你拉着我说你有些犹豫